Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
