im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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