My room smells like vodka and shame
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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