I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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