Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
