Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
