Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
