"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
