dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
