I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
