We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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