All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
