i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
