My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I could fuck to npr.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
