So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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