you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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