I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
