Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I intend to get homeless drunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
