my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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