I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
