I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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