good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
