I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
