He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
