I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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