alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
