YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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