get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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