Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
