The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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