I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The struggles of a small town man whore
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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