as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
