and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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