Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
