In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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