I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
