I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
