what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
