You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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