Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
