I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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