nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
