Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
