just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
