I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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