So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
