I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
