He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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