Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
