haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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