two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
