i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
